Yoga & Meditation

I just finished up a 6 week intro to yoga and a 5 week meditation course and it has been really interesting.

I have actually learned a lot about myself.  I wasn't too sure what I was going to think of the meditation.  I am always really nervous about taking classes and putting myself out there around other people because I am so scared they are judging me and don't think I belong.  With that being said I really enjoyed it and plan on continuing it.  When I first started I realize how negative about myself I am.  I kept telling myself that I couldn't do this, I wasn't strong enough, I could never accomplish getting healthy, etc etc. It was kind of shocking and honestly scary.  I never really had a lot of support growing up, I was always told I wasn't smart enough, or athletic enough, I was fat, I was lazy.  I love my parents and they tried there best but some stuff just really stuck with me. I guess it just kind of spilled over into my mind and I just have never really been positive with myself or really believed I was good enough to accomplish anything.  Over the 5 week course I learned to treat myself a lot better and not be down on myself.   I also learned that I am really strong and that I have overcome a lot and have accomplished a lot in my life.  And if I really work at it I can accomplish my dreams. It has helped me a lot with how I feel about myself and continuing this journey of getting healthy, losing weight, and running.

The Yoga has been great.  I didn't think I could do it and sometimes it is tough and I can't hold the poses as long as I would like to, or the inversions are really hard but I am making progress and that is what counts.  I was really worried about fitting in and not feeling like a total loser but most everyone has been really welcoming.  I really like how good it makes me feel.  I am seeing muscles that I haven't seen or felt in years.  I really like the twists and sun salutations, and I really hate downward facing dog lol (although I am getting stronger & better at it)

It's funny because when you look at me you wouldn't think runner or someone who does yoga.  I am at my heaviest I have been in years and I am really not happy about it.  I just feel sluggish and sick and fat.  It can really effect my every mood to how I deal with other people, how I treat myself and how it makes me not want to do anything.  I am realizing that even though I am not happy with my weight and that I need to do something about getting healthy and losing weight I need to be kind to myself and not so negative in order to achieve my goals.

So I am hoping this journey is really positive and I get the results I want.